How much do you spend on wedding gifts?

I feel like we have discussed this before, but I can't find the topic anywhere.  Actually, I have two questions, maybe three.  Let me give you some of the back story.  My Fiancee and I have two weddings to attend in November (again people, weddings on Saturdays during college football season is NOT acceptable!).  These two weddings will make it seven for us this year.  Typically, if the couple was my friend first, I buy the gift, and they were my Fiancee's friend first, she buys.  We approach things a little differently.  I generally scour the register online with a budget in mind, and look for things, or a combination of things, that are in my price range and have it shipped to the couple's house.  She likes to go to the store, take the gift home and wrap it herself.

Also, my Fiancee is attending the shower for one of these weddings this weekend.  She's trying to figure out what she is supposed to buy for the shower gift.

I Googled the question, "How much should you spend on a wedding gift?" and the answers varied.

About.com said, "The general rule of thumb is to try to estimate how much your meal will cost, or generally between $65 and $150 per person."  Sounds rather steep.

WeddingChannel.com had surprisingly practical advice, "The rule of thumb is that you shouldn’t spend more than you can afford. If money is an issue, try your hardest not to be impulsive when you’re out there shopping for just the right present."

And Emily Post decided to remain mostly neutral, "There is no rule, so it is entirely up to you. Let your affection                 for the bride and groom and your budget be your guide."

But I'm not really interested in hearing what the internet thinks you SHOULD spend.  I want to know what all of you out there actually DO spend on wedding gifts.  So, here are my questions:

1. How much DO you spend on wedding gifts?
2. Do you double that number if you are attending "with guest" or as a couple, as opposed to single?
3. How much do you spend on Shower or Engagement gifts?

I wanted to create a poll, but I'm just not tech savvy enough.  So, if you would leave me responses in your comments, I would appreciate it.  I'm just trying to get an informal idea of how people deal with this never ending issue.

Comments

[sean]

$40 for a wedding gift? I never heard of such a cheap gift. The price of two pizzas for a wedding gift? At least $100 per person for friends. $200 for family.

[erin]

I'm a graduate student getting married in about 5 months and we're just starting to do the registry thing... our wedding is in a destination local -- we live in santa barbara, ca and will be pretty nice sit down dinner, open bar, ect...(40k).

I DO NOT EXPECT ANY MINIMUM $$ AMOUNT FROM MY GUESTS.

I do expect that they won't show up empty handed, but $10 mixing bowls and picture frames is fine with me.

I also think it's rediculus to expect guests to cover the cost of the wedding... We want to show our friends and family a good time because we care about them and want them to enjoy the day. Not because we're looking for gifts.

That being said I typically spend $50 - $150 for both me and fiancee on wedding gifts as we're still students and money is apparently not as abundant here as it is in NY.

[CAC]

Check out TheWeddingEnvelope.com

It is a monetary wedding gift calculator.

[JY]

Asking someone to pay the cost of their meals can be unrealistic - especially if you are parents of three and the whole family is invited to attend. Imagine spending $50-$60 x 5 on a gift. Most of us do not have that kind of money to spend. We generally give $40-$50 if we don't know the couple but were invited anyway, $75 (give or take) for a "friend" or distant relative gift, and $100-$150 for a close friend or relative. Of course, given our financial position and the current economy, we may be revisiting our "norms" and scaling down to a comfortable level.

[Lua]

My husband and I attended a wedding of a good friend/coworker, but we only knew him for 2 years. We spent a total of $75 on a gift with the reasoning that we usually spend $100 - $150 for our close friends from college who we have known for over 5 years. We couldn't place our coworker in that category since we only knew him for 2 years. Meanwhile we spend $100 - $300 for close relatives. I agree with other people's comments that it shouldn't be based on how much you think the meal will cost, because that is the couple's decision on how much they want to spend on the meal and location. They should just be happy you attend the wedding. However, I think it is standard etiquette to always arrive with a gift so spend what you can afford with consideration on how close this person is in your life.

[psycholooney]

I know the etiquette says that paying for your plates is a very typical guideline, but I've always had an issue with that. What if you are a poor student with no income living on loans and one of your closest friends is super rich and decides to have a fancy dinner that costs $300 a head? If you can't afford a present that costs that much at that time, you either have to be embarrassed by your gift, or you can't come see your good friend get married?? I don't like the idea that having a nice wedding basically promotes snobbery and is supposed to dictate it's for "rich people" only, and your poor friends can't come or aren't welcome if they can't pay for their plate (or at best they can come, but they should be embarrassed for breaching etiquette). If I wanted to have a nice wedding to serve my friends a good meal, I would view that as something I just wanted to do and that would be my choice, and I wouldn't want what I was paying for dinner to put pressure on guests to give a certain gift if they wanted to come share in my joy - I would hate for my fancy reception to communicate I wanted "rich folks only". I may be in the minority on that, it's just something that has always bothered me. I think like most things in life, you should just give as much as you can afford, and if the person is closer to you, try to save money to give as much as you want to be able to give them based on their relationship to you. Everyone is in a different financial situation in life - students with 3 children shouldn't be giving the same as students without children or bankers and professors working full time. In my mind, I think relationship to the couple and the guests' personal situation accounts (and should account) for more variability in gifts that worrying about cost of your plate. I don't want guests to be thinking about that at my wedding - I'm inviting them because I want to host the party for them, not make them feel obligated to pay me back for dinner.

[Judy]

I have a close neighbor who's son is getting married. She is having a shower and assumed I would be part of the shower. I now find out I will be spending over $200 to share in the shower. I have also been invited to another shower. I normally would give a $150 -$200 gift. I feel very uncomfortable because I do not feel I can afford another gift for the second shower and again for the wedding. What do you suggest? Judy

[Coley]

In response to Dante's post. You're completely rude. The couples DID NOT ask to be thought of nor did they choose to come. Does this mean I should send invitations to relatives across the country that I don't even know, then expect them not to come but to send a gift? Get real! I'm of the idea that I should spend what I can afford. If I travel and it costs me more to come, the gift is less (Approximately $50). If the wedding's local, the gift will be more ($70-$100). I'm currently supporting me and my fiance while he finishes school so we can only afford so much. I know in the future, we'll be able to afford more but at this point, we have to control our spending. I'll think of couples later in life as they have babies. I'll only help as much as I can and that should go for anyone.

[twitter.com/SimchaBucks]

We have built the following tool to help people calculate how much money to bring to a wedding: http://www.simchabucks.com/simcha/howmuchi

[wedding packages]

I must say that gifts is priceless as long as it comes from your heart is more than enough. :)

winnie

[Rachel]

Don't be cheap people! At least $40.00 for a shower gift and at least $100.00 for a wedding gift. I have given up to $250.00 as a wedding gift for very close family and friends and I'm on a teacher's salary.

[Johanna]

what do you give the daugther of your boss? i never met the girl and aren't very close to my boss but i want to give the right amount. my fiance wasn't invited so i was thinking 75 or 50? i usually give about 100 but since i don't know the girl i feel i could give less. also, do i have to invite my boss and her daugther to my weddign now that they invited me?

[Brian]

My rule is to take $150 in cash to the wedding. Whatever I don't spend on drinks that evening with my wife I give to the B&G. I also deduct an extra $25 for a buffet.

[Lauren]

Yeahhh, I just spent $30 on a wedding gift and that seems enough. I make minimum wage and I only knew the bride for a couple of years. Also, I didn't go to the reception.

[TriciaNixon]

Do not cash to buy a building? You not have to worry, just because it is real to take the loans to work out such problems. Therefore take a financial loan to buy all you require.

[Jac]

I am a bride getting married this fall, and I have had many people ask me what they should get me... this feels uncomfortable- thats why there is a registry. But I will be honest, Ive been in 3 weddings, and a guest at an additional 4-
as a Guest I spend 50 pp- meaning 100 if I bring a date, and 100 total if I am in the wedding- because of the additional expenses incurred.

My wedding is pretty expensive, but I think people underestimate the cost of weddings, mines already in the upper 30's and we had a budgeted wedding... we are looking at 140 per person food and drinks plus EVERYTHING else, Dj's flowers, cake, service, ceremony ect ect.
so how are they able to calculate the cost of the plate, especially wondering if they carry a wad of cash and wait until after the dinner to judge???
Weird... but- whatever.

[C]

I am going to a 'Las Vegas-style' wedding (fyi, I live in Las Vegas and you CAN actually have a classy wedding here)...we got the invite yesterday, wedding is in less than 3 weeks. There will be no reception. I don't think my husband will be going since it is mid-week and in the middle of the day. How much should we spend?

*additional information - I will be attending the wedding shower and purchased a gift for that

[Julian Mark]

It really is up to you give. I have given a wedding gift to a friend for only 50. I also have givent a 500 dollars for very close friends and family. Do whatever you like, because if the only reason they invited you was because of the gift and save a few,they would not have invited you. I guarantee majority of time, they would have to pay more for the plate and other stuff than you would give.

[Sarah Bayliss]

I can't believe that people expect to be given presents that cover the cost of the meals. I don't care if you have ribbon on your chairs and therefore should not have to pay for it via presents. The wedding day is for the couple and their parents, guests go out of respect and many have had to spend a lot of money to join the couple on the day. My wedding is coming up. I will spend how much I feel I need to make the day perfect for me, and will not expect any guest to be considering how they can cover the cost of the meal I have chosen. In fact, we are telling guest that we do not wish them to purchase presents, but if they would like to they can give a donation to the NSPCC. I am not being a saint, I just feel very pleased that people are willing to give a day up for me - and am happy to give them entertainment and a meal as a 'thanks for taking the trouble'.

[Pozorovatel]

I don't know if things changed from 12 years ago, but my husband and I got pretty cheap gifts compared to what everyone else is saying. We didn't get much cash at all and if we did it was between $20 and $100. As far as the gifts the relatives gave us gifts in the $50 to $100 range. A lot of people gave us gifts in the $20 - $50 range. There were also some really bad gifts like a plastic thanksgiving candle holder or a christmas towel.

[gift to the Philippines]

Well,for me doesn't matter how cost you been wasting when it comes on a gift as long that its comes from your heart. Anyway,will certainly visit your site more often now.

toni

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focus more on things that relate personally - candles or such items

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