How much do you spend on wedding gifts?

I feel like we have discussed this before, but I can't find the topic anywhere.  Actually, I have two questions, maybe three.  Let me give you some of the back story.  My Fiancee and I have two weddings to attend in November (again people, weddings on Saturdays during college football season is NOT acceptable!).  These two weddings will make it seven for us this year.  Typically, if the couple was my friend first, I buy the gift, and they were my Fiancee's friend first, she buys.  We approach things a little differently.  I generally scour the register online with a budget in mind, and look for things, or a combination of things, that are in my price range and have it shipped to the couple's house.  She likes to go to the store, take the gift home and wrap it herself.

Also, my Fiancee is attending the shower for one of these weddings this weekend.  She's trying to figure out what she is supposed to buy for the shower gift.

I Googled the question, "How much should you spend on a wedding gift?" and the answers varied.

About.com said, "The general rule of thumb is to try to estimate how much your meal will cost, or generally between $65 and $150 per person."  Sounds rather steep.

WeddingChannel.com had surprisingly practical advice, "The rule of thumb is that you shouldn’t spend more than you can afford. If money is an issue, try your hardest not to be impulsive when you’re out there shopping for just the right present."

And Emily Post decided to remain mostly neutral, "There is no rule, so it is entirely up to you. Let your affection                 for the bride and groom and your budget be your guide."

But I'm not really interested in hearing what the internet thinks you SHOULD spend.  I want to know what all of you out there actually DO spend on wedding gifts.  So, here are my questions:

1. How much DO you spend on wedding gifts?
2. Do you double that number if you are attending "with guest" or as a couple, as opposed to single?
3. How much do you spend on Shower or Engagement gifts?

I wanted to create a poll, but I'm just not tech savvy enough.  So, if you would leave me responses in your comments, I would appreciate it.  I'm just trying to get an informal idea of how people deal with this never ending issue.

Comments

[Tina]

I am a graduate student so obviously don't have cash to spend enormously on weddings (and have already spent 200 on dress and hotel stay for the weekend) and wanted to know how much money is appropriate if you are a close friend of the grooms.

[megan]

I think it also depends on how established the couple is. I thought the whole point of giving wedding gifts was to help the couple get started or to express your affection toward them. If they are already well-established or can afford a high-dollar wedding, then what do they need to get started? If debt causes so many marriages to fall apart, why should the wedding be all about spending money?

I say go with Emily Post, or a Suze Orman book. If the bride and groom are counting how much you spent on them, they're the ones with bad etiquette.

[Deanne]

I feel you should give what you can afford.

I know people say you should try to cover your plate, however, I know a lady at work that was paying 1/2 for her daughter's wedding and each plate was $400 !!! Is a couple expected to put $800 in an envelope? Or decline going to the wedding, and send something around say $100-$200? I for one I would never put $800 in envelope even if I could afford it.

Guests shouldn't be expected to foot the bill for your wedding.

People seem to think they can throw this lavish wedding, and then expect their guests to pay for it.

My husband and I were happy with whatever people gave us. The people who could afford more, gave more and the people who couldn't gave less.

As for the shower, if it's a close friend or relative I spend about $100, distant relative say $50.

[Mandy]

Great site, googled the same question as most. I just got married last year and I have to say any gift was welcomed. But it is always different when you are in the hot seat buying for someone elses wedding. Depending on if its a close relative, or a friend that is as good as family and the distance of the wedding I will spend around $100-150 between my husband and me. However if the wedding is far away and we need to get a room and stay over night we will spend more like $50-100. But I look over their register and see what they would really like based on my relationship with the couple. Its so difficult to put a dollar amount on your love for your family and friends. But spend what you can, and you know the gift for the bride and groom is just to have you there at their wedding. That really meant the most to my husband and I.

[Lou]

I was wondering if anyone had any advice? A close friend of mine is getting married this fall. She has everything she needs household wise and told me she would be passing an envelope around at her wedding for cash, something like that. 2 questions:
The engagement party is this weekend and I have been told to bring a dish and I assume a gift?
I know she doesn't want wedding gifts...am I supposed to give her more money?
How much money am I suppose to give for engagement party? Wedding?
By the way, I am single and I am on a very tight budget. I feel strange now that cash is expected since I cannot afford much. I am disappointed that I have basically been told I cannot buy a wedding gift.

[barbi]

When using shower/wedding gifts
that we received I still think of that person/couple with fondness -35 yrs later. I spend around $35. for a shower gift and $125-$150. check for the wedding. Our friends children are now getting married as are nieces and nephews so I try to add a personal gift with the check.

[Shawn]

I went for cheaper yet elegant ones. As much as possible I wanted to be as unique as possible. For example, for my pals who are businessmen, I gave Cross Fountain Pens. They aren't that expensive yet speak a lot of their business character.

[lu]

If not close friend or relative I would spend about $50.00 for wedding gift. If close to them I would pay 150-200 for both shower and wedding gift.

If I was in a wedding and had to buy a dress rather than the bride providing it I would spend less money. My candelighters bought their dresses and did not buy me a gift. That was totally acceptable to me.

[Jessica]

So, what about if you are in the wedding?
My husband is in his friend's wedding and it's across the country, so its costing us 1k just to fly there, not to mention the additional cost for rental car, hotels, etc... and we just got married ourselves so the budget is tight.
Is being in the wedding and spending time up there gift enough? Because I would hate to seem ungrateful and cheap, but the budget might not accomodate anything else.
Any help would be great!

[kathy]

I hear you about being in the wedding. It's tough. My husabnd, my daughter, and I are all in my friends wedding. Between dresses, tuxes, showers, bahelor(ette) parties, gifts, etc. we are in over $1000. It seems crazy to still have to buy a weddng gift. But if you go and don't buy anything you will look like jerks. So just get something nice and thoughtful instead of giving money. Giving $25 looks cheap, but getting a nice picture frame (or something else) for $25 doesn't really look cheap. It looks thoughtful.

[Opal]

I follow the rule of thumb, cover my meal then attach a gift for the bride and groom. Again, it is entirely up to you. I think $150-$200 is not unreasonable.If you are bringing a date then the least you could do is to cover your dates meal as well.

[dante]

I recently got married. We had a beautiful location serving fillet mignon and chicken breast with top shelf liquor and a chocolate fountain. Also, appetizers were served too. Couples gave an average of $100, which didn't cover their plates and everything else. You can't expect people to have the same generous etiquette. We had 125 couples not able to come and only received a gift from about 10 of them?? This was unusual. Anyways, if you are invited to a wedding and can't go-YOU SHOULD SEND at least $50 as a gift for thinking of you. If you attend a wedding you should give at least $100 PER PERSON, if you know the wedding is done first class. If you go to a wedding and it is served family style with no name liquor-YOU SHOULD GIVE $125 a COUPLE

[John J]

This is in the NY metro area, which may not be typical, but I would never give less than $1000 for me and my wife. Most weddings are at least $250 per head--usually much more--and if the couple is saving for home and family, they are going to have to spend at least a million on a house. I would think it almost insulting to give $50. If you cannot afford this, you are better off not attending and sending a couple hundred.

[emily]

Earth to john j.: $1000 is ridiculous. And I live in NYC and have been to 5 beautiful weddings this year -- all destination weddings... italy, san francisco, park city, etc.

The bride and groom invites family and friends as guests because they want you to be there for a special day, not as a fundraiser for their first house. That is just tacky. Any gift large or small should be appreciated. But I guess your post shows that money doesn't buy you class.

[emily]

Ditto to Dante regarding my previous comment. I agree that should send a gift if invited to a wedding... but dictating what your guests "should" have spent on you regardless of their financial situation is just plain wrong.

And hello?? You invited **125** couples... that couldnt make it?!? how many of these couples are actually close friends? And you're wondering why you only received gifts from 10? the other 115 couples probably dont even know who you are!

[Jane]

We are going to a wedding (son and I). He is the ring bearer. The cost of flight, hotel, and tux is $950. The wedding is for a cousin. I am not sure how much to spend?

[Julie]

I am currently sitting outside a wedding that my boyfriend is in. It starts in about 30 minutes, so I am passing time. We are currently depending on his parents for about 60 percent of our income since he lost his job and I am working 30 hours per week and going to school the other 10. At this moment he is angry at me for refusing to buy a present for the bride and groom. Here are some statistics on the couple:

Their parents are paying for eveything.
They both make 40K+ a year. Their parents have supplied them with all the furniture and kitchen supplies they could possibly want.
The bride picked out a 170 dollar rental tux that we were barely able to afford. Even though it was the second most expensive tux, the couple did not offer to help with any of the cost.
Finally, they refused to come to my birthday party because the girl did not like the movie we were going to watch. She said she'd come to the theater but would be going to a different movie even though the party had been planned for weeks.
Am I cheap for not getting a present? Probably. But I also know that the bride and groom will not suffer because of it where as my boyfriend and I have a good chance of not being able to afford to eat tomorrow if we gave a gift.

[Stacey Gee]

I say take three zeros of of your yearly salary and that's a good amount to spend for people you aren't super close to ----ie, you make 65,000 a year, spend $65 dollars on your gift.

[Megan]

I just got married 2 weeks ago. I'm 25 years old, and I spent $170 per person attending the wedding for food and drink. 75 guests were invited. The reception was a formal event in an expensive Hotel Ballroom. Not all of the guests gave gifts, but the ones that did gave $50 gift cards, cash, or checks. Seemed to be the standard/assumed gift. The big gifts were from my grandparents who gave $500 and old family photos, my Uncle who gave $200, and my Father-in-Law who gave $1,000. I had 4 bridesmaids; and one paid for all of her dress and got me a nice mixing bowl set, two paid for half, and one didnt' pay at all... Jointly, they all got me some sexy gifts for the night of the wedding.

Hope that helps! Of course, my advice is THE BIGGER THE GIFT, THE BETTER! Hee hee! Of course I'm going to say that.

[Amanda]

how much cash should i bring to spend on our honeymoon in puerto vallarta.. its for 7days 6 nights. Our hotel and airfare is paid for but its NOT all inclusive. I have searched and searched for answers and the only one I heard was $600 a day.. does this seem even close to normal? I hope not.

[Laura]

Amanda, I'm an international flight attendant so I travel abroad often. $600 a day seems outragous, I don't see why you should need to take that much cash with you. I would take some in cash ($300) + some in travelers checks ($300) and plan to use your credit card for any additional purchases. You will probably be eating in the hotel and other reputable areas where credit is accepted. Also there are ATM machines/banks located in Puerto Vallarta if you need additional cash. I try to carry as little cash with me as possible due to theft. If you aren't disciplined with using your credit card, set a daily limit that you will not go over and then stick with it.
All the best to you and enjoy your honeymoon!

[julie a]

John J. you are invited to my wedding! :)

[How Much Should I Give? - Go to TheWeddingEnvelope.com]

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[Shocked Poster]

I'm absolutely amazed at 90% of the comments posted in response to this. Here's the rule of thumb I follow...SPEND HOW MUCH YOU CAN AFFORD!!! Come on people! There is no $ amount set in stone and making sure you cover the cost of your meal is ridiculous. The couple is getting married and are aware of what they are going to spend. It's not up to you to help them recoupe their expenses. The whole point in the wedding in the first place is the experience, not whether or not the bride and groom broke even. I say regardless of how close you are to the person or you relationship with them, spend what you can. If someone is going to be upset because you didn't spend some arbitrary amount dictated by some Web site, well then they aren't as close to you as you think and don't value your relationship as it is. I was living at home making nothing when my 2 best friend's got married. Neither of them cared a bit about how much I could or couldn't spend. They are my friends and cared about me being there. Spend what you can. Don't let some guide tell you what's appropriate.

[Kristen]

Check out this site. It calculates a suggested monetary wedding gift that you should give for a wedding present.

www.hmsig.com