What Financial Questions are Taboo?

It goes something like this:

Setting: an spacious 2 bed, 2 bath apartment with modern amenities in an American urban setting.
Person #1:  "Hey, what a great apartment.  How did you guys find this place?"
Person #2:  "Well, as you know, we have been looking for a while.  It was time to upgrade from the University style 'housing in a box.'  This place just made so much sense for both of us.  Our commutes are shorter, we can walk to some great restaurants and shops.  We're so excited about the neighborhood."
Person #1:  "I can see why.  What a great location.  How much are you paying, if you don't mind me asking?"
Person #2:  "Well...  We prefer not to share things like that."
Person #1:  "Oh...  Right.  Of course, no problem."

<Awkward Silence>...

I'm not even talking about the sort of the questions that I asked in my post, What if we weren't so private about our personal financial lives?  I'm not talking about sharing your personal balance sheet, as we PF bloggers are known to do.  I'm definitely not talking about asking someone how much they make.  Not even most of us PF bloggers disclose that.  And we're anonymous.  But sometimes someone asks you a seemingly innocent question about your watch, your car, your fun little gadget.  And the conversation takes a turn for the awkward. 

I was once present when a young woman, who was training for a marathon, was showing off her cool GPS running gadget.  One of the guys, who also runs, admires the device says, "this is cool.  How much is something like this?"  Her response, "that's not something you ask a lady."  What?!  He didn't ask what kind of underwear she was wearing!

But we all have different boundaries.  And yes, we should all respect others' boundaries.  But have you ever felt that they're just being weird.  Or even wrong.

So, is it off limits to ask someone how much they pay for an apartment?  How about what they paid for their car?  And if that's okay, can you ask them if they bought or leased?  And how about what the terms are and their monthly payment?

Comments

[John]

I think most people in general have the same value system when it comes to money, don't ask and don't tell. I think there are many reasons for it, mostly negative, envy, jealously, shame, embarassment, etc. Though I don't really care about those things, most of the time I ask and tell anyway.

[Jessie]

I agree with John. I think that we have been trained, for the most part, to avoid that topic. I personally don't ask but I don't mind telling people certain things such as if I saw something on sale or general pricing (ie houses seem to be running for x amount in this area). I think the real issue for me is that if I have something I have spent a good deal of money on, I don't really was to announce that. It makes me look like a braggard and creates the same "awkward silence" as mentioned in your post. Same issue with me asking someone else. Money is funny thing!

[wanda]

If you know their address, you can go on zillow.com and find out exactly how much it sold for. Real estate transactions are public records, although I'm not sure if that'll do much for your dinner conversation if they found out you "snooped." ;)

[donna jean]

I'm all about sharing information, but I'll admit to the discomfort I feel when people find out how much I'm paying in rent. For me, I know I'm paying too much, that it is truly beyond our budget, and worry that people will think I'm making a bad choice (hell, I think it is a bad choice...).

I often wonder if the omissions in some instances are where people suddenly feel embarrassed or unsure about how much they paid. They don't want to look foolish in front of their friends and so they'd rather just keep that information to them selves. How many times have you heard yourself or someone else say, "oh really! you should have gone [here], their prices are much better than [there]."

[English Major]

I agree that there's a very instinctive taboo reaction--I had a very candid conversation about money with my boyfriend last night (without getting too shameless about the plugging, I wrote about it here: http://englishmajormoney.blogspot.com/2006/12/spreading-personal-finance-gospel.html) and when, towards the close of the conversation, I asked him the current balance of his checking account, I felt myself blushing furiously. I'd just basically designed his budget for him, but couldn't deal with asking him how much cash he had on hand. How weird!

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