Wedding Budget Madness and Mind Numbing Quotes from WeddingChannel Message Boards

My Fiancee and I are in the "hand wringing" stage of the wedding budget.  As it stands now, our allocations are way above our budgeted amount.  Like 50% higher.  Granted, it is early, and we have not interviewed florists, photographers, etc.  So, perhaps we are budgeting too much in certain categories, but let's just say that cuts and compromises will need to happen.

Much as I seek comfort, community and solace among the PFbloggers, I headed over to the weddingchannel.com message board to see the conversations that were going on, and to find out if I could get any benchmarks for certain line items or to see if anyone had any great cost saving ideas.

Many there are practical and had some good ideas.  But you would not believe some of the things I read.  Here are a few choice entries (my commentary in italics).

Somebody asked, "How much are you planning to spend on your total wedding costs?"

• "We're at $50k (not including e-ring or my gown.) That's the NY metro area for ya'. :rolleyes:"
• "Our budget is teetering around a whopping 38K.  Catering - 24k (150 per person including full open bar, cake, tax and tip x 160 people)"
• "Its a sickening amount of money...but my budget is around $50K (not including e-ring, wedding bands, honeymoon) and it looks we'll go over. Luckily it being split 3-ways and between both parents/step-parents and none are complaining...yet. C'mon, its LA, everything is way over priced."

These amounts do not include things like the gown or the rings.  Hello?  Those are sort of important items.

Under the Category, "Wedding Budget":
"I am a upset with the fact that my FH (Future Husband) family has not offered to help out with the expenses of the wedding. I have asked him if his family is going to help and he says probably not, though I dont think he has asked.

Part of my discontent stems from all the trips they have been taking lately. They have traveled extensively this year, and can obviously spare a few dollars. Though, they have not offered to help with anything!!"

 

Does this really need commentary?  I think a simple, "it's their money to spend as they please" will do.

"Freaking Out About $$$" writes:
"Where is it going to come from??? FH and i had a fabulous plan. Set up a wedding account... started with a large engagement present. We were going to put $$ in every pay check. BUT every week it is something. Flat tire, dog is sick... SOMETHING! Not only have we not contributed to the account we have actually spent what was in there on bills and groceries.

I know we will work it out... paying it off after the wedding too... I just hate that is is constantly on my mind.... it wears you out!

ANYONE ELSE STRESSED OUT????"

Man, is that really what it's all about?  I'm sorry, but something tells me that this marriage is in trouble.

Tom and Katie didn't need to refinance their mortgage to pay for their wedding.

Under the topic "Refinancing Your Mortgage":
"I don't know about refinancing my mortgage--but I do wish there was a way to have borrowed like $5,000. Then just made monthly payments on it. Instead of budgeting for $800-$1000 a month to get everything paid on time..."

Step away from the Monthly Mentality!

"Of course, it is best to be able to pay for your wedding in cash and without debt of any kind. If you have to use debt, using debt that is secured on your house entails a certain risk. However, by using this type of financing, not only is the interest rate paid is likely much less than you'd pay to a credit card, but the interest you do pay will be tax-deductible. If the alternative way to "pay in cash" is to borrow from your 401(k), for instance, it probably would be better to take out the home loan, because you won't be subject to tax penalties."

Err...  a little bit of information.  Very dangerous.

"it seems more 'serious', but ultimately a home-loan is MUCH lower interest than credit cards, and over the length of a mortgage, an extra say, $5-20000 isn't actually going to make an enormous difference, especially if you know you'll be in a position to pay that off as a lump sum a few years down the track.

I think we also need to be careful about labelling weddings 'pretentious' or 'extravagant' for being costlier than what people have the means for immediately."

Really?  How careful do do we need to be?  What happens if we just willy nilly start calling wedding that are beyond your means "extravagant" or "pretentious?"  I guess she's right, we do that and people might stop spending so much money!  And my favorite response:

"Refinancing is not about taking out another loan on your house or making your mortgage higher, it is about negotiating a lower interest rate, thereby LOWERING your mortgage payments."

Yes, I'm sure that's what they meant.  Refinance your existing mortgage to take advantage of low interest rates.  Something tells me that this poster works in the lending industry.  Heck take out a negative amortizing payment option ARM while you're at it.

Well, for whatever reason, I feel better now.

Comments

[prlinkbiz]

Wow. The problem with soon-to-be-married people is they are all talking to other soon-to-be-married people, instead of stepping back and looking at the big picture (or talking to family- and sometimes thats worse!).
It's one day. As a formerly married person, I can tell you it's exciting- but reality sets in. I have talked to more married women who looking back wished they would have spent the money on other things besides what they thought at the time woudl matter so much.
We paid cash for our wedding- total- maybe $3000. I worked it and got so much stuff for free or donated or paid for by other people. $50K on a wedding? Thats a down payment on a couple of houses. Have to have the wedding of your dreams? Buy assest first to pay for it, and then you will at least have the assets after the love dust clears! My two cents... lol

[Tom]

Don't kill me for these comments!

Our wedding was a shade over $64K.

That is EVERYTHING included (from rings to honeymoon to photo orders from everyone). This is in suburban Chicago a couple of years ago. I've actually talked to my wife about some of these posts on various blogs in the context of a conversation on "What would we have cut back on?". We honestly didn't come up with much! Total wedding guests were 262. Keep in mind, too, that you _will_ receive gifts of cash. It won't come anywhere near an offset, but it does help! Also, this includes photo orders from everyone (we collected the money and paid the photographer, so the numbers are off a bit).

Now for the good news: The engagement was about 14 months prior to the wedding. Within one year after the wedding, everything was paid off with the exception of some low rate (less than 1.9%) balance transfers. I think the big key here is to save up front. If the engagement ring is paid in full when purchased, most of the other stuff can be dealt with reasonably. All in all, the wedding probably cost us $10k of debt, but we knew that going in and were willing to accept what that meant.

[lamoneyguy]

Holy Schnikies Tom! Hey, I'm not going to "kill" or judge you for coming here. Just as the people on WeddingChannel have their reasons, I know it's important. Wow! Thanks for sharing. Very brave.

Thankfully, we won't have to go into any debt, but I also don't want to blow through our savings. Buying a house within the next couple of years is a much higher priority.

[Chuck]

Our wedding budget has spiraled out of control as well. We're up to about 25k for everything (150 guests) here in Upstate New York. When we got engaged I had no idea what these things cost but I had a number of about 15k in my head, but everything seemed to be alot more expensive than I thought it was going to be ($2000 for flowers?!?!). I guess its a (hopefully) once in a lifetime event / expense, and we should get some of it back.

[Tom]

Chuck - Believe me, I know how it goes! We saved a bit on flowers, but buried it in the photographer. One way or another, though, folks are going to spend the money where they feel they would get the most value. I'm assuming upstate NY is similar in cost to suburban Chicago, so you don't sound too far out there...yet! ;-)

One thing I will mention (disclaimer coming at the end): please do not go real cheap on the photographer! After all is said and done on the day, the cake is eaten, the banquet hall isn't yours, the flowers die and the dress will only be worn once. The ONLY thing that you spend money on for the wedding day that lives beyond the day, other than the rings, are the photographs! We go through our album probably once every other month. We didn't go nuts, but I knew what I wanted and made sure we got it. Oh, yeah, the disclaimer: I photograph weddings, so I knew what I _didn't_ want. In fact, it was the only thing I actually made the decision on (I had veto power over anything, but didn't use it; my wife had veto power on the photographer, but he was my choice and the ONLY guy we talked to).

[financial freedumb]

I've heard a wedding in a garden is nice...no real need for flowers. I've also heard a wedding in a art gallery is nice...lots of things for people to talk about. Just sharing what I've heard...heh.

[Him]

Man, I'm glad I haven't read that forum. Makes our blog look...amateurish. I gotta tell Her to start firing up the wedding entitlement posts =P

[Tim]

Oh wow! Sounds like you're having fun! Those people are spending quite a bit. I can't imagine spending more than $25-35k for a wedding and even that seems like a lot. Luckily we won't be having to pay for 100+ people to show up. :) Great post!

[Credit Repair Company]

$64,000! Holy Cow dude. My wife and I ran to Vegas and did the whole thing for about $1000.... and it was fun. :)

[lamoneyguy]

The photographer is definitely the one for which my Fiancee is sticking to her guns. We agreed, however, to interview lots of photographers. Hopefully we fall in love with one that's not too expensive.

Him, too funny. Definitely one of the more memorable posts in the pfblogosphere.

[Leslie]

Hello,

We got married last year. We are in our late 30s, first marriage for both, and had just gotten out of school for second careers so we had no real savings and lots of student debt @3% (but no house, etc.). Also my parents could not help. We thought a wedding would cost $4K but it didn't - it cost $21K for our dream wedding for 65 guests. It's 6 months later and I pay $1K per month to have it paid off by my 1st anniversary.

Yes - it's crazy expensive but if you are good with money and your income is okay it is a purchase like anything else - I have no regets. Our families had a wonderful time and that is what we hoped for - a great party for our family and friends.

I also considered the current state of the housing market--we are not purchasing in the next few years and could therefore pay for a larger wedding.

p.s. for our out-of-state wedding I used a wedding planner and I would recommend that to anyone. For $2K I got recs on vendors who were excellent in every category. Best wedding cake, beautiful flowers, pictures, food, and she coordinated the wedding day w/ her assistants - I had no worries! Plus - I know nothing about planning a wedding, what needs to be done, or how to get a good price from vendors & she did! Note - she tried to talk us out of a sculpture garden (in a garden - you have to pay to truck in a tent, tables, etc. - that gets pricey. It actually would have been less expensive to get married at the Four Seasons for a package price.) We also thought 12 months out we had plenty of time and I missed a lottery on a free venue at a public park (that is wonderful) by 2 weeks. Also a lot of venues were booked when I started to look at 11 months. Be sure to get venue & photographer as soon as possible - those book well in advance. (As do wedding planners if you're so inclined.)

My husband loved our wedding day...but, like me he is cheap at heart and I don't think we would have survived the planning process if I had to get his approval for every purchase. He would not have paid $21K to get married. I think the wedding day is more of a bride's thing in that we will pay for things like centerpieces and white chairs instead of wood chairs - maybe that's why the bride's family traditionally pays. :)

Good luck!

[Newsgirly]

I just got married over Labor Day weekend, two hours outside D.C. Our wedding probably cost about $14,000 for 115 guests. We saved money a lot of different ways. The venue was an archaeological site where my mom volunteers, we got married on sunday, reused another bride's dance floor and tent - so that all saved us lots of money. We furnished our own open bar for about $600 and had a ton left over. Dinner was GREAT, including raw bar, appetizers, and full meal, and it was about $4,500 total. Photographer was a friend, so free. Makeup lady was a friend so free. A LOT of our expense was paying for a week of hotel rooms, meals, clothes, etc., for groom's family, who don't have any money. Florist was a local gardener, so it was about $475 for a TON of flowers including 4 bouquets, tables, boutonniers, etc. DJ was local high school teacher. I bought all the silverware, tablecloths, glasses, candles, candleholders, flower vases and dishes rather than rent. It cost exactly the same as renting (about $750 - I scoured restaurant supply houses, IKEA and Sam's Club for the stuff) and in the end I donated it all so I will get a nice tax break, too. I wore my mom's dress which needed NO alterations and was gorgeous. I got bridesmaids gifts (cashmere pashmina wraps) off eBay for $25 each. Hairdos were at JC Penney salon and were lovely. Invites cost about $75 TOTAL, including reply cards, for 175, at Kinko's. The "cake" was cupcakes with roses on them from Giant supermarket + a white cupcake stand and EVERYONE commented how great it looked and some people had 3!! Total cost: about $120. My table numbers were $10 worth of shells that I wrote numbers on. The seaside venue asked to keep them they loved them so much. You CAN cut corners on things if you think creatively and don't obsess about every little thing. Truthfully: I think we both wish we had eloped, but we have a little daughter and wanted her to have a nice example and to meet everyone in both our families and all our friends.

[Jen]

Heh. I still hang out on my wedding message board, though the bulk of us moved off and started a site of our own.

In case you were asking seriously, IMO, the logic behind not including the dress in the stated budget is because designer dresses can be insanely expensive. Therefore, it's smart to take those out of the bottom line. In my experience, any bride who doesn't count the dress in her budget is either a) spending over $2k on the gown or b) her parents are buying it for her. And who wants to open herself up to sharing that she spent $8k on that Romona Keveza gown? You can justify $150 a head with the open bar much more readily.

There's a lot of pressure - not just from other brides-to-be and the industry, but even friends and co-workers - to "wear the dress of your dreams". "If you don't LOVE your dress, get another one!" "You only get married once!" The whole "my mom saw me cry when she saw me in the dress the first time" phenomenon leads too many brides down the wrong path.

Rings are just expensive. But you'll be wearing it your whole life, so it doesn't count ;) (I'm completely making that up. I have no idea why so many couples take the rings out of the stated budget. I kept ours in.)

[Julie]

I had my wedding in Orange County earlier this year (2007) on a $10k budget. The $10k includes all rings, gowns, facility rental, catering a reception for 120 people, flowers, photographer, insurance, open bar, tips, etc, but does not include the honeymoon.
It is possible, and the secret is knowing that everything is going to work out, especially with two families coming together and with all your friends around. Its time to call in all those favors! Find a relative or friend (or friend of a friend) who is a photographer (save $2k). Order flowers wholesale and make your own simple centerpieces (save $1k). saveoncrafts is an online store that has cheap candles and vases. We saved the most money with friends who did the photography for free and assembled the bouquets for free. We also selected the facilty based on price. And we decided not to hire a videographer.
Now, wedding vendors who are trying to sell you things use obvious tactics to increase how much you're going to spend and you have to be strong. Does anyone else have any stories?
Disapproving looks when you don't want to spend $1200 on a wedding gown -- do you know what I mean? I almost cried the first time a sales person treated me this way when I was looking for a wedding dress under $300 (David's Bridal in Costa Mesa). Ignore the "You only get married once; It's just one special day; You only have one chance; etc". Basically, I found the majority of vendors in S. CA to be extremely uninterested in a $10k budget wedding.
I don't know about you, but I didn't want to start my life with my husband any deeper in debt than necessary.
In my wedding my husband's opinion mattered, despite what all the industry folks tried to convince me. I don't know why they say that the groom's opinon shouldn't matter - I think that is so rude, and may be an old-fashioned statement leftover from when the Bride's parents used to pay for everything. Nowadays the Bride and Groom often pay for some or all of the wedding themselves, so I think his opinion should matter.
Piece of advice, do not skimp on alterations to your dress. You can probably find a reasonably priced dress at a number of stores, but I recommend not using their seamstresses. Go instead to a specialty shop like Just Alterations in Long Beach. And buy your shoes online. Online you can order a few different pairs, try them on and keep only the pair you like. There are online shops that do not charge you shipping costs on the order or on the return. I thought the selection of shoes in the boutiques was poor and that they often were asking more than $200 for a pair of shoes I planned to wear once!?
Another piece of advice, if you are having trouble asking your folks or his folks for money, then I think it is easier to ask for specific items, e.g., ask his mom to help you pick out flowers and pay for some of the bill, ask his dad to buy the alcohol for the reception (it can be a great father-son bonding chance), facility rental fee, or items like that. I think some parent's prefer to have something tangible to show what they spent their money on. Be careful though, because some parent's really can't afford it, so they can give you time instead of money by helping you with the invitations or helping you follow up with the guests or lots of other things.
If you are not into the whole wedding industry craziness, then a full service facility can be somewhat affordable. I know places in LA and Orange County that will do the wedding for ~$75-80 per guest. That includes the entire reception, but I think there is a minimum of ~100 guests at most facilities.
In the end I planned my own wedding with help from friends and family and some excellent vendors, but I think it would only have been an extra $2k to $4k for me to use a full service facility and it might have been less stressful. With these facilities you still need to pay for the ring, dress, tux, makeup, and hair yourself. They also can have a lack of flexibity if you have something specific that you want, for example, they might not recycle, or they might not let you bring in outside alcohol and food. I also sold the vases and votive holders from my wedding on craigslist afterwards for $200 to recover some costs. I think I could sell my wedding dress too, but I got sentimental and couldn't part with it (even though it only cost $200 new from Alfred Angelo in Huntington Beach and another $200 in alterations).
Your wedding day will be a special day for you no matter what your budget is. The most important thing is your marriage and a happy, long life together. Don't go into unnecessary debt if you have other places you would rather drop thousands of dollars. Good luck!

[iknowall]

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[iknowall]

Search for in all major search engines simultaneously on the site http://www.iknowall.com.
Simultaneous search on Google, Yahoo and MSN Live Search.

Try http://www.iknowall.com